In our home, we are often struggling with how to balance our time, between school and work, sports and other extra-curricular activities, and taking care of ourselves, our dog, and our family. Time often feels very limited and sleep often gets exchanged for a few extra minutes "decompressing" by watching Netflix or scrolling Instagram.
For better or for worse, and after much thought, we reluctantly allowed our middle school-aged children to have smartphones. At age 12 we allowed them to play Fortnite and at age 13 we allowed limited access to social media. Some days we wonder if we made the right decisions, especially in light of all the talk about the harmful effects of social media including the new book by Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. In short, Haidt posits that children's brains are being "rewired" due to a decline in play and an increase in phone use. Though there is no randomized control trial to back up this claim, he builds a compelling case.
Although we know that it's theoretically possible to take the phones back or roll back our children's access to Snapchat or Fortnite, we have decided to continue to allow access while increasing our monitoring of their activity to the extent we can. I also created a visual for our family to remind us how to prioritize our time. It's a pyramid that I call a Guide for Teen Priority Setting and Time Management.
At the base of the pyramid is the foundation of our health and well-being - self-care, which consists of sleep, proper nutrition, and proper hygiene. Exercise and Social Connection are the two other important elements that must be prioritized daily and can often be integrated into other activities (see the words climbing up the sides of the pyramid). Above self-care, the next level of priorities includes academics, family commitments (e.g., helping with chores, spending time with grandparents), and team/group commitments (e.g., sports teams, clubs, etc.). The next level includes activities that are good for our brains and mental health, including hobbies as well as calming and leisure activities. All of these activities are prioritized before any gaming or TV is permitted. Of course, there are exceptions such as watching a movie together as a family (which is social connection, family time, and leisure all in one) or watching an important sporting event. After all, this is just a guide, but it serves as a reminder and an anchoring tool when I feel like screen time is getting out of control. We have found this helpful and hope you do too!
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