We live such hectic lives and often the demands on us, at work and at home, are such that we simply cannot attend to the needs of our minds and our bodies. Sometimes we are literally too busy at work to eat or drink or use the bathroom. Or, in this time of Covid-19, we have a mask on all day that makes it even harder to drink anything. Sometimes we are so thirsty but our water bottle is out of reach - the next thing we realize the whole afternoon has passed without even taking a sip. We steal moments here and there to make a quick run to the bathroom and attend to basic human needs. This is not ideal, but unfortunately, it’s the reality for many.
After work, many of us go home to our next work shift. How many times have I come home from work and tried to go to the bathroom, only to be followed into the bathroom by my child while he tells me about the injustice that happened at recess today? I politely and firmly tell him to, “give me a minute,” and then I probably repeat that sentence 50 times throughout the evening. With each utterance of that phrase, I feel my body tensing a bit more as I see the long list of things to do in front of me- empty and wash the lunch box containers, figure out dinner, read the emails from school, review the school work that came home in the school folders, and oops, we are almost out of bread and I need to make a quick run to the store so I can pack lunches for tomorrow.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot some Halloween cookies and I grab one. And I take a bite, and I get a little rush of pleasure. And it feels so good, after being pulled in so many directions all day- and even at this moment, “Mommy, can I have a cookie, too…. Can I PLEASE have a bite?!” But the cookie is my little escape and feels innocent enough… but it’s setting off a cascade of events.
Let me be clear, by itself, indulging in a cookie is not a bad thing. Despite what you might have heard from various dieting zealots, cookies are not evil. But when we choose a cookie, or any other food that doesn’t fuel us, in a moment of desperation, for a moment of escape, we are looking to food as a bandaid for a temporary feeling. We may think that one little cookie can’t hurt us… but, if we are grabbing the cookie on impulse, we have just reinforced a behavior where we turn to sugar for emotional relief. The sugar may bring us joy for a moment, but, depending on what else is in (or not in) our bodies at the time, it could cause a spike in blood sugar, leading to a sharp drop in mood and a strong craving for whatever food is in sight. And, very importantly, we sometimes feel immense guilt for “losing control” and giving in to the cookie, which can lead to a shame spiral.
So what should we do?
Ditch the shame and guilt. Indulging in these emotions can be self-destructive and they really do not help you. You have control over your mind and you do not have to attach yourself to the drama attached to the act of eating a cookie! If you ate the cookie then you ate the cookie. Time to move on.
If you want, make a plan to avoid this behavior next time. If the few moments after entering your house after work are often the moments where you tend to “lose control,” then interrupt the cycle. Instead of heading straight to the kitchen to start emptying the lunch boxes, head to the living room with the kids for a 5-minute breathing and stretching session!
Think about what foods you ate earlier in the day. Eating simple carbs and sugar earlier in the day can set us up for very strong cravings and being “hangry” later. If you ate the cookie and regret it, consider starting your day tomorrow with a morning fast followed by protein and fiber-rich foods. Eating these foods will reduce physiologic sugar cravings later in the day. Practice this and over time your psychological cravings will reduce as well.
Remind yourself that you have control over your thoughts. Yes, it is very hard to go through the workday with so little time to take care of your needs, but you can reframe the story in your mind. You are tough, which is why you are able to do this job! You can stick to your plan and decide whether or not to eat the cookie. You have the right to choose!
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